“Maybe it’s time to change the battle cries of career women
across our globe to a confident no? .” - Nova Cobban

I don’t need to tell you about the challenges successful women have to navigate in their workplace just to have their place at the table. 

I don’t need to let you know about the scores of women I work with every year who are burning themselves out every single day because the societal shortfall is still unacceptably huge.

I also don’t need to educate you on the silent battles you’re fighting to stop your home life and career from invading each other.

But I’m definitely going to remind you of the impossible asks successful women just like you are placing on themselves underneath their impeccably groomed leadership armour.

(And before you say you don’t feel so successful at the moment, that’s because we both know you’re looking straight at that shortfall again, which quite frankly isn’t your job to take on single-handedly!)

Maybe it’s time to change the battle cries of career women
across our globe to a confident no?

But before you can do that, you have to feel safe and the pinnacle most women work crazily hard to get to? That place feels anything but safe.

If you’re exhausted, lonely, feeling like a fraud or wondering how much longer you can keep this up for - you are most definitely not on your own. I know it’s not all doom and gloom at the top, but we have to be careful it’s not coming at too high a price.

Women saying no is an incredibly complex issue, spanning back generations and we can’t possibly unpack all of that - I know you get it. But when we’re struggling as the very human beings we forget that we are - reducing some of our pressure is usually what’s needed.

Let’s take a look at how much you keep putting onto your plate instead of offloading it…

Ready?

How Safe Is It To Say No In Your Role?

These sections will give you a snapshot of what you’ve probably forgotten that you’re up against. Please answer them honestly - you don’t need to show anyone else but this bird’s eye view will help you understand where potential challenges are lurking in your terrain.

Please score the following between 1-10 

Work

Are a majority of peers at your level female? (10 = mainly female)……………

How included are you in important meetings which affect your deliverables?……………

Are you consulted in decisions which affect your work?……………

Can you ignore stakeholders/key people while you make informed decisions?…………

Do you have a supportive superior?……………

Score out of 50…………… 

Home

How neutral (ie not guilty) do you feel if an issue arises at home and you’re not there?……………

Is there someone else at home who shares the burden of emergencies/wobbles?……………

How easily could your home sustain your absence for a week?……………

How easy is it to say no without a deep explanation at home?……………

How supported do you feel when life gets in the way of your work?……………

Score out of 50…………… 

Terrain

How prevalent are women at your level in your industry?……………

How easy would it be to find a role similar to yours if you chose to leave?……………

How well supported are family women in your arena?……………

How easy is it to be constructively critical to key personnel at work?……………

How well-liked are women at your level in your arena?……………

Score out of 50…………… 

Saboteur

How hard have you worked to get where you are?……………

How easy is it to trust the feedback you’re given at work?……………

How easy is it for you to be truthful without doubting your opinion?……………

How compassionate do you feel you can be towards your peers?……………

How easy is it for you to wave a white flag at work when it’s not working properly?……………

Score out of 50…………… 

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to work out that the closer to 200 your score is, the safer 

it is for you to say no in your workplace. Without that safety, a yes comes out when you mean to 

say no. Even more emotional burden is added to you in the process too.

Look at which section is the weakest as your first port of call. What tweaks could you make that 

would help you edge closer to the support you need to start asking for in that area of your life?

If you need some help with this, here are three tactics you can introduce to help ‘check in’ 

before replying when an unauthorised ‘yes’ is lurking…

Reducing The Yes Load

When we’re struggling, we shrink and forget how valued we actually are - a vital cog in the machines we’re keeping going - even when others are slacking! So it can be really useful to know where our ‘Yes’ is actually coming from before we give it away.

Take a Breath First

Before you say yes next time, take a breath. As the highly sentient being that you are, what looks like a simple breath to others is actually a pause where the valuable nanoseconds you’ll glean will give you enough time to run through these three simple tests of what ‘flavour’ of yes you’re offering.

Test 1: Are You Breaking Ground?

Many successful people find themselves in roles that have boundaries or rules that don’t quite fit anymore. Whether you’re a woman in a male-dominated space or a forward thinker in an archaic structure, we can sometimes see what’s needed way before others do. 

The need for us to say yes in this situation can feel really empowering - it’s usually from a healthy standpoint of a changemaker willing to go first and carve a path for others. 

One risk here to bear in mind though is that it’s likely that you’ll need to carry the mantle for many, so just do a quick mental assessment of how big the task could grow so that there are no surprises creeping up on you mid execution. Maybe thrash these out verbally with the other party so they can understand the size of the task, but the benefit of this is you’re both going into this meaty yes with eyes wide open.

Test 2: Are You Taking Everyone With You?

Saying no with conviction can often be perceived as blunt or harsh, but constantly taking on everything, and not allowing others to step up is no healthier. Any managerial role requires a healthy team around it, so if you’re about to say yes when another person could handle the task well, think first. Can you hand it over?

Using this tactic on a regular basis highlights that you’re a team player not lapping all of the kudos up yourself, but it serves another powerful purpose too - it makes saying no much easier. If you’re not comfortable saying no, signposting people towards someone who can do it stops it from being an outright no.  This way you’ll still be seen as helpful because the person needing help gets what they want, you’re building up your peers and giving credit where it’s due, and your Yes Plate isn’t loaded any higher in the process. Bonus!

Test 3: Is It YOUR Yes?

`I challenge anyone to not know what a pretend yes is - whether it’s a ‘No-Yes’ that you didn’t want to give anyway, or it’s the ‘Can you not do anything for yourself??’ type, we’re all guilty of this from time to time so here are three types of yes you don’t want to be offering…

The Martyr’s Yes - When you’re taking the task on resentfully, verging on being in victim 

mode because it always comes back to you to pick up the slack.

The Victim’s Yes - When you offer a disempowered yes because you’re worried for your role or 

what others will think of you ie ‘They’ll think I can’t do my job if I say no’.

The Egoist’s Yes -  When you’re taking on the job because you think everyone else is inferior 

or incapable and there’s only you who could possibly do it ‘properly’.

Being in the energy of any of these three types of yes isn’t healthy either in the decision making or in the execution of the task. If you’re not careful, and the essence of these are sneaking into your decisions too often, it’s not too long before your entire role feels like that most of the time. 

It will be much harder to redefine how others perceive you once you’re in that place, but if you are there already, tackling this one yes at a time, in a well-communicated way can slowly move you towards a healthier position which facilitates you being able to say no more safely.

lf you’d like help reclaiming your decision-making autonomy and voice, come and join Wuum® - The community of amazing, ambitious mothers who are lightening the mental load together and thriving in wealth, work and wellbeing.

There's currently a special offer on for members who join in May! 40% off your membership fee!

wuum.co